Connecting with a child before you ask them to do something invites cooperation Said, Suresh who shared this article with us. While recalling some of his experiences with his son.
For Example, if you need to get your child to do simple tasks like:
• come to bed
• Get ready to go out
• Go to potty for toddlers
• To come to eat their dinner
• To get dressed
• To clean up their toys and Mess
One powerful tool to get kids to do things with more cooperation and ease is to use “relationship before request” – connect with your child for a few minutes before you ask them to do something. Not only does this make your day go smoother, it also lets you build warmth and strengthen bonding.
Here are a few ways to implement "relationship before request":
Before you say, “Get ready to go out!” pause for a moment and notice what your child is engaged in. Are they playing restaurant with toy food? Zooming cars? Counting the coins in their piggy bank? Watch them for a second and simply notice how deep they are in the middle of something.
“I see you are . . .” or “Can You Tell Me about what you’re doing?”Acknowledge what kids are doing. “Oh, I see you are making a book of drawings for Grandma” or “I see you are putting together the bridge on your train set. You’re pulling that long train all around the tracks!” or “I see you’re making something with those ribbons.” Or “Can you tell me about what you’re doing/playing?”
When kids are engrossed in what they’re doing, ask, “May I join you?” and then follow the child’s lead (let them be in charge). For five minutes (or however much time you have), do a puzzle with them, play catch, build with blocks, string beads on a necklace together, color beside them, look at books side by side, help line up their stuffed animals, run in circles with them, or engage in whatever they are already doing. Some kids may be open to or even delighted to have you participate, while others may prefer that you watch. They’ll be way more likely to go brush their teeth or clean up their books after you’ve joined them in play for a just few minutes.
Kids love a sense of power and control. By giving them a bit of ownership in the process (of doing the next thing), they are more likely to cooperate.
Sample questions to offer ownership:
• What special place do you want to put that (until the morning, until we get back, etc.)? When a child is playing with something right before bed or leaving to go somewhere, having them find a special home for it where they know it will be later can help.
• Do you want to [do the next thing] now or in 5 minutes? Ask them to reiterate to you what they will do when the timer goes off. Set the timer.
Can you be in charge of X? "Can you be in charge of picking the books we'll read tonight?" "Can you be in charge of passing out the raisins in the car?" Giving kids a special job can reduce resistance and build enthusiasm.
Let kids know the day's plan in advance. “We’re going to the library, and then swimming lessons, and then we’re stopping at the park for an hour.” Write a checklist for them (or a picture checklist if they can’t read yet), and ask them to check things off as you do them. Ask them to help you prepare or pack special things for an activity. This gives them a sense of control, safety, and ownership, rather than having them asks, “Where are we going, anyway?” once you’re already driving. Also, consider these additional tips for building kids’ enthusiasm about the day's events.
Spending just 5 minutes, connecting with them before you ask kids to do something will help your child complete the next thing with more cooperation and way less resistance. It's also a form of "sensitive caregiving," which, research suggests, is a strong predictor of an individual's social competence and academic achievement, not only during childhood and adolescence but all the way through to adulthood.
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Areas of Child Development
Five areas of child development
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